My life so far...

The first 15 years of my life were spent mainly in my school text books, playing and giggling with a few friends after returning home from school, doing my homework, eating and sleeping.

Never helped my sweet mother in cooking nor assisted her in any household chores...she would never let me do otherwise too..very sweet that she was... :) Never understood what relations are and what they really meant.

Then came a turning point of tragedy in my life, where I lost her in a terrible accident...I realised that I could have spent much better times with her when there were many chances to...Regretted that I didn't make use of the right opportunities given by Him.

My angel sisters took very good care of me then..they do even now...

Ever since the day my mother left me, I decided to turn over a new leaf and never to trouble anyone ever in my life and be good to one and all..Keeping others happy became a goal to me..be it in the short run as well as in the long run.

I started practising the act of being funny, cheering up people around, helping them solve their problems when they sought my advice..being a moral support to friends who needed me..This also helped me in becoming a much better person..not boasting here....but telling it aloud so that I can feel happy that I did manage to do a few good deeds and be labelled by many as a "sweet person".

But offlate, I don't see myself much/anymore like this....I feel I am lost in the woods.I have woven such a complex web around myself that I am unable to see what the truth about even the smallest things of events is nor able to comprehend them even if I be able to see the truth in it.I get tensed for every other event-to-be...losing my jovial nature..not that I don't crack jokes and make people around me laugh, but their intensity or the frequency has definitely reduced..I am not able to trust people like before...this is definitely because I am losing my self-confidence..and as a result of which I get so confused about things....Phew...!

Once upon a time, I strongly believed in eternity of my things..but now...I doubt whether they would still want to be with me...An astrologer had predicted my horoscope and written very clearly that I would be a loner all my life because of my serious nature...I think things are going that way now..My intentions are never to hurt anyone...but I always end up hurting people..especially my closest ones...May be I shouldn't be blunt abut things I want to convey...

My greatest doubt now is , if I would ever have one single such friend(other than my family), who would always love to be with me no matter what I do or what I speak...who would always be happy with me and foremost of all, will I ever be able to keep someone happy all the while, someone never ever disappointed by me..?Will I be ever able to achieve this in my life..hehe..here comes another doubt!

I wish I be able to create a life around me where there is lot of love, faith, joy and peace...where there is no room for uncertainties, sorrows...Just looking forward to it..!